It was dark as night in Malcolm’s bedroom when he woke, startled by
a half-heard sound. It was a sound that hung in Malcolm’s head,
existing partly in the dream and partly in the real world without
committing to either. He looked at the window. Not a hint of morning
light peeked from around the edges of the shade. It was too early to
get up, way too early, which could only mean that he was being visited.
The blue digits of his alarm clock strobed brightly, pulsated, as his
eyes tried to adjust. Transitions from dream to waking were a gray area
of experience, leaving a confusion of what was true and what wasn’t. He
tried to remember what had roused him from sleep and his nightmares,
but that took more energy than he had. The thought faded as fast as his
memory of his dreams.
It was the uncertainty of perception that confused Malcolm, the
sensation of being hopelessly surrounded by darkness and of being in a
room which pervaded with the sudden and jarring silence that comes only
to someone who has woken from a nightmare just before death, but is not
yet ready to open his eyes and find out if he really was just dreaming.
In his dream, whatever it was he had been fighting was pouncing on him,
but he usually slept through the scene of his own death.
His first coherent thought of the day was tinged with paranoia. What
caused him to wake? He’d heard a sound, it had just come back to him,
or maybe the telepathic perception of movement in the room, but now
that he was more awake, he was sure it was definitely something
external to the dream itself. His eyes were still heavy, groggy,
desiring to remain closed, forcing him back under to delta wave, rapid
eye movement and more nightmares.
#
The next time he woke up, he was tangled in the covers, could feel
the sheet wrapped around his leg, and snaking up his chest into his
clenched hand. He was acting out his dreams again, another fitful
surrender to the subconscious. He thought it was just moments since
he’d last found wakefulness, but couldn’t be sure. He couldn’t move.
He forced his eyes open. The sun must have been just rising above
the horizon, a small amount of blue light slipped in around the shade.
Even this dim light was shockingly painful, unexpected, lambent.
He wondered if he was waking in a dream within a dream, and scanned
the room for clues. He couldn’t tell. Had he left his shirt draped like
that over his dresser, or was that a shrouded figure?
He forced his eyes open. This time the sun must have been just
rising above the horizon, a small amount of blue light slipped in
around the shade. Even this dim light was painful, unexpected, lambent.
He took in what information he could without moving. There was no
need to alert anything that shouldn’t be in the room if he could avoid
it. It was unnatural for him to wake up like this, he knew something
wasn’t right. He couldn’t move no matter how hard he tried. He pushed
hard, his heart started beating faster under the strain of his
exertions, and hearing the rapid dull thud in his head, he got nervous,
which made it beat even faster.
Then a half-heard sound came from across the room, like the sound of
his cat, its claws looking for a blood fix. It couldn’t have been the
cat. The cat never left the front room, and had died years ago. Malcolm
blinked and grunted. Had he woken up before today? Or were those in
dreams?
The sound came again, just at the edge of perception. It had woken
him before, too. It was real. His confusion told him to be wary, but
something kept him from knowing quite why.
Early morning noises always made him suspicious. Human intruders
don’t come into apartments like Malcolm’s. It had to be something far
worse. The urge to sleep was much greater than if he’d woken up early
and was still drowsy, it was unnatural, and impossible to resist. It
silently eased any fear he had, comforted him, lulled him into
forgetting why he was suddenly awake. His joints were stiff, his motor
responses resisted his desire to turn, to find a position that wouldn’t
knot his muscles by the time the alarm goes off, every thought fell to
sleep.
The sensation worked against him, he tried to push his arm off his
chest but it exhausted every effort of his whole body, and he couldn’t
even be sure if it had moved at all. The notion that this was just a
hypnagogic delusion occurred to him, but he dismissed the thought even
before it completed itself.
He just wanted to sleep, an artificial instinct told him all was
safe. Just go to sleep. Just go to sleep. Over and over, they lulled
him, gained strength of effect in the incantation. Just go back to
sleep.
He knew then that something was wrong, he fought to stay awake,
despite the overwhelming desire to return to the false safety of night,
trying to hear what had woken him. The room remained silent, pushed him
back over the edge to fall back to sleep.
He was just out of a sleep cycle enough to be relieved that he didn’t slip back into his dream.
Then he heard more sounds, and a half-felt tug came at the blankets
near his feet, then a movement on his chest, the sensation of something
with no weight pouncing. He awoke again, this time suddenly fully
aware, and eye to eye with a Mara. Malcolm could only barely make out
its form in the low light. The glow of its eyes faintly illuminated
Malcolm’s face. The illumination was like a candle, traveling only
those few inches before being lost in the darkness.
Malcolm shuddered in surprise, his body convulsed, every muscle
fired once in unison trying to break free of the Mara’s hold, and the
Mara uttered a singularly unimpressive squeak of surprise. Prey never
moved that much when under its control. The prey never moved at all.
The little creature closed in anyway, feeling confidence in its powers.
Another warning sign it ignored: Malcolm continued to stare directly into its eyes.
The Mara went on with its feeding, sensing that the prey had already
moved into the first stage of fear: awareness. It wrapped its tiny hand
around Malcolm’s throat, ready to feed.
Malcolm was alert now, and saw through the deception, saw it for
what it was. Malcolm’s perception was this: a small, translucent green
creature, knee high at best, large bright yellow insect-like eyes, a
large round head supported on a tiny body, strangling him softly with
delicate hands more befitting something out of a cartoon than a
predator. What the Mara thought Malcolm saw was this: desiccated flesh
stretched taught over a huge frame, claws long enough to go all the way
through, tattered black skin stretched over bone wings, spiky gray hair
covering its body. Or maybe just eyes, large and glowing red, a body
unreliably outlined by dark perched above the prey. Or maybe two
figures in the room, lights outside the window, the abduction
psychodrama.
The Mara realized then that something wasn’t happening that it was
expecting, the energy rush of feeding wasn’t coming. The thought that
something was wrong broke through its primal thought process a very
brief moment before it was too late. Malcolm knitted his brow, and
reached up. Now it was the Mara panicking, now it was the Mara being
strangled. Now it was the Mara that was screaming and tumbling through
the air, striking the wall, falling to the ground, and now it was
Malcolm feeling only drowsy and angered, and knowing he wouldn’t get
back to sleep.
The Mara ran through its instinctual devices, wondering what it had
done wrong, but then it saw its prey rise and look directly at it. It
wasn’t the time for learning processes. It was the time for survival.
It looked for a way out of the situation, but no ideas were
forthcoming. The thought occurred to it to flee, but as this thought
flashed through consciousness like an uncertain leap into fog, it found
Malcolm standing overhead, impassible. The cornered Mara geared up the
fiercest responses it could muster.
Malcolm recoiled his leg and kicked the Mara, his foot striking with
a satisfying thud that felt as if this creature had a measurable mass.
This always troubled Malcolm, how they had no weight but still could be
felt and handled, were just as deadly as anything anyone else could
see. The physics of the phenomena was something Malcolm had only just
begun to study.
The Mara doubled over and moaned. The first kick hadn’t satisfied
Malcolm’s frustration, and so he kicked again, and again for good
measure. He hesitated a moment as the creature, still only half-seen by
morning light, tried to recover.
As he recoiled his leg for another strike, Malcolm decided he could
not take out enough frustration on the little Mara to salve himself,
and so he picked it up again by the throat and carried it, kicking and
protesting like a petulant child, its little hands prying at Malcolm’s
grip. Malcolm walked it determinedly down the hall, turning left into
the kitchen, his eyes landing on the coffee maker on his counter.
The little glass pot waited to fulfill its purpose in life, and it
gave Malcolm a new thought on this early morning, a thought of his
curse, a thought of his ability, his own personal stigmata, and how it
just cost him another morning’s sleep. And a thought of coffee. How
much of a relief it would be to wake up to a simple cup of coffee
without something like this happening. It didn’t seem like it would be
too much to ask.
Malcolm paused here, holding the Mara, flipped the switch on the
coffee maker. The light came on reassuringly. He waited for a promising
gurgle, and then continued to his back door.
As Malcolm opened the door, the Mara screamed loudly, a sharp and
piercing cry that cut especially deeply in the auditory nerve this
early in the morning. It was like a demonic dog whistle, and Malcolm
was the only one who could hear it. This made him want to kill it even
more. He dropped it to the stoop, as nonchalantly as if he were putting
out a cat. The Mara began to writhe, rolling on its back, kicking and
turning, but it was too late. Its figure began to dissipate and
disintegrate in the sunlight as it got to its feet. It ran for the open
door, but it had already mostly disappeared, only its legs were
running, then only its calves and feet, then only its left foot stepped
on the threshold of his apartment before also disappearing into a
vapor. Malcolm stepped away, back inside, to his cereal, coffee and
newspaper.
The cereal he chose from a systematic filing order in his pantry was
the same cereal he’d been eating every Tuesday since he was seven:
Cap’n Crunch. He removed the milk from the refrigerator and a bowl from
the cupboard. He opened the jug of milk and poured, but only a small
trickle came out.
So now Malcolm was awake, and had almost consumed a light breakfast. He sat down to record it in his journal.
June 24th, 2003: Woke up early this morning. I had no
choice. A Mara was trying to strangle me. Mara feed on fear and
helplessness, then leave you bewildered and seemingly untouched,
leaving you to wonder if it all really happened.
Awareness. You must be aware of something to fear it. Prey is never
afraid of the hunter hidden perfectly behind the dark undergrowth. Fear
is part of the hunt, and the prey must see the hunter, hear the hunter,
smell the hunter to fear it.
When you feed on fear, apprehension is the appetizer.
This is how a Mara feeds: First the Mara lets you know its there by
making a slight sound, drawing attention, letting you imagine the
worst; a hostage mind running through its worst case scenarios is its
playground. It is nocturnal and has learned you are more susceptible to
horrific imaginings if it strikes at night. You create your own image,
confront the menagerie of your nightmares, making the prey complicit in
its own predation.
Most prey visualizes a much larger creature, its own natural predator,
or visualize simulacra over other things in the room, giving common
objects a form that is anything but small and impish or familiar.
Usually it appears huge, frightful, or numerous.
You’re paralyzed before it touches you. Your heart starts pumping
faster, supplying blood to muscles that cannot move. Some victims might
fall prey to a heart attack right here, ruining the meal for the Mara.
The Mara needs a captive and alert prey. Only then will the Mara reveal
itself.
In the end they’re only a nuisance, a weak species, almost never fatal.
I don’t even need to cast a spell to kill them, which was good, because
I had no pen and paper handy. Since they are so prone to nocturnal
hunting, they have an intolerance to sunlight. If they were more
common, or deadly, I’d keep a sun lamp on my night stand. As it was, my
weapon was just below the horizon.
I killed it, of course.
I don’t really mind Mara attacks, not like the bigger demons, but it’s a damn ugly thing to wake up to. I also ran out of milk.